You don’t understand the depths of my emotion, When you push me into doing things I feel uncomfortable with. You don’t truly understand the intensity of the anxiety I experience, So, don’t say that I don’t meet you halfway. To walk down the street with bustling crowds and flashing lights, To sit in a class full of commotion and chaos, To sit in the canteen, desperate for friendship, a sense of belonging, Causes me immense anxiety and makes me urge to escape. At college, I have to mask my personality, Battle my constant fears, And try to act up to any expectations you set, And you have the audacity to say I don’t meet you halfway. I might be lucky – I have all that I need. But when my anxiety and negative self-talk overflows, I crumble. Obviously, I’m lucky – autism is a gift, a treasure, something to be proud of, But I struggle immensely with almost everything you take for granted. Look at how far I’ve come, I’ve survived the shudders of secondary school, got through prom, And started college all on my own. Would you rather me make continual but gradual progress, or do you want me to fail and break down under pressure? There’s all or nothing in my world – it’s called black and white thinking – struggling to read between the lines, I either do something I feel happy and content with or I do absolutely nothing at all. So, when you push me into doing something: role plays, presentations, a work placement… I refuse and break down, simply because it’s overwhelming; how do you expect me to cope? I know you think you know how to help me; you work in the field of inclusive practise, But actually, you don’t know me – I am an individual with autism. I am the only one who knows what’s best, You don’t know me – but I do! Don’t try and put words into my mouth – trust me – it doesn’t work! My knowledge probably comes across as intimidating, I’ve researched the condition endlessly. I’ve devised a set of my own coping mechanisms, What works for one child with autism, probably won’t work for me – recognising individuality is the key! Socialising is draining – exhausting and overwhelming, To say hello to a friend is just as hard for me as starting a job is for you – daunting and frightening, I have less social energy than you to start with, So, imagine, how tired I feel by the end of every day – any additional stress and anxiety causes a shutdown – this causes an inability to function or communicate at all. I may be socially inept, considered as unsociable, But, sometimes your social skills can be just as poor, I don’t think you realise how excruciatingly difficult it is for me to make friends at the best of times, It becomes near impossible to develop a friendship with added pressure. The frustrations I experience continually, on a day to day basis, may seem unimportant to you – ridiculous maybe, You can block out the world whenever you want – I can’t, I am constantly trapped in a world which seems isolating, confusing and demoralising – I feel deflated. Yet you feel you can make comments, like ‘you’re not meeting me halfway.’ Some may say I’ve been sheltered, protected from the world, I’ve felt secure for too long, Well, I’m now in the outer world – being thrown into the deep end, And I’ve instantly realised one of the most important things. I’ve said it before and will continue to say it until the message is clear, Autism is a spectrum condition, but not every person on the spectrum is the same! The fact is often missed as people with autism share certain traits, Honestly, we all have different needs and one box doesn’t help us at all – we don’t want to be categorised into what you see as the ‘norm’ or ‘correct way of society.’ I am a person with autism – I am human and I have feelings, I have a voice and a right to express my own valued opinions, So, next time you imply you want me to meet you halfway, Question your knowledge beforehand and consider how making unfair, judgemental, detrimental comments will help me cope. I will continue to fight for my rights – I’ve fought from the second I was born, I believe, I should be respected and my differences embraced, My needs challenged but at my own pace, My positive contributions and achievements should be acknowledged for one and celebrated for another. I think you should start listening to my voice, quiet but fierce, And meet me halfway! Don’t discriminate or stereotype – just accept and support me, in the suggested ways! Autism awareness is a highlight for me, No matter how many books you’ve read, videos you’ve watched or people you’ve spoken to about the subject, If you haven’t walked my long trudge of a path, You don’t have the true understanding of the disability. That’s right – I have a disability, A hidden disability, where guilt, shame, upset, anger and anxiety threaten to trickle through, when I’m overwhelmed, My life is a battle – a rollercoaster – a challenge, So, maybe you should, for once, meet me halfway! Written by Lauren Smith A Different Perspective CIC

As I’ve recently passed my driving test, I feel this is a good time to share some insight into driving from an autistic perspective. Driving requires a lot of rapid, mental processing. Driving involves being able to predict other people’s actions, co-ordinate various controls simultaneously, identify and respond to developing hazards, respond to changes (for instance, new road layouts, roadworks), make judgements about time and speed and to keep calm in tricky situations. Some autistic people can find this too challenging and choose not to drive, and that’s perfectly okay. However, it can be thought that autistic people have a spiky skillset – as an example, I struggle to tie shoelaces, put my hair up and cook due to executive function and motor coordination challenges yet I can drive. From my perspective, driving is thoroughly enjoyable and offers a sense of freedom and independence. I have gained transferable skills and have had confidence enabled in other areas of my life. Driving can be therapeutic as I can only focus on the task in hand. Having worked with a specialist disability driving instructor, my strengths were nurtured, and my challenges were understood and supported. My instructor encouraged me to believe in my abilities. Driving Test Day: When booking your driving test, you can specify that you would like a disability examiner and extra time, if you feel this may be helpful. You are allowed to ask for a break and for the examiner to repeat instructions if you need. A couple of weeks prior to my test, I started taking the Bach Rescue Remedy supplements. These are completely natural and helped calm my anxieties. I practised deep breaths beforehand, so that on test day I could use this as a calming strategy. I looked through positive affirmations and read through messages from friends, which helped me believe in myself and reframe any negative automatic thoughts. I kept my test date to myself, for the exception of a couple of close friends, to help relieve any pressure. I stuck to my normal routine on test day and had something prepared to do after my test. It may help to check out the test centre first. You could also watch YouTube videos of what to expect on the day. Try to pretend that either it is a mock test, the examiner is a passenger in your taxi, and they are directing you back to their house or you are with your friend going on an adventure. I did not try to change or do anything different on the test; I followed through with what my instructor had taught me. The first thing you will be asked to do is show your provisional license and theory test certificate and sign a document. You will then be asked to read a number plate from around 20 metres away. You will be asked to set up your car ready (e.g. adjust the mirrors, neck restraint etc). The examiner will explain to you what will happen during the test (the independent section of the drive will either be using a sat nav, that will be set up for you, or navigating via road signs). Before you start the drive, the examiner will ask you one ‘tell me’ question (this may involve you needing to open the bonnet and tell them how you would check something). As you drive, the examiner will ask you one ‘show me’ question (e.g. demonstrate how you would sound the horn, open and close the window, use dipped headlights, demist the windscreen etc). You will also be asked to perform two manoeuvres. The test will last around 40 minutes. You need 15 or less minors and no serious faults to pass. If you do not pass, remember that you will have another opportunity; try to see the test as a ‘mock’ and follow your examiner’s guidance during your driving lessons. General Driving Tips: Self-assess before you start driving – do you feel awake, are you calm, have you eaten? Always consider how your internal state will affect your driving. Having a good sleep routine, good diet and taking regular breaks is vital. Remind yourself of the importance of COAST – concentration, observation, anticipation, speed, time. Remind yourself of the importance of forward planning – looking further ahead and assessing situations and changes will help you respond, rather than react. Give yourself plenty of time, especially if you struggle with processing. Do not rush any aspect of driving, particularly the manoeuvres. Break down driving into small steps and think carefully about each step. I use an internal monologue to guide myself through the process – I use rhymes and phrases to help remind me of what to do on the road. I use the surroundings as a guide e.g., road markings, structure of parking bays. To help you apply driving skills to real life, consider this: You have the power to put the brakes on when something doesn’t look or feel right and to divert from the journey if you feel uncomfortable at any point. You also have the power to do a U turn if you start something and you no longer feel it serves you or is causing too much stress/anxiety. You have the controls to make a change if you need to. You can steer life in whatever way you choose. Give yourself time and plan ahead. Enjoy a lifetime of safe driving! :) Written by Lauren Smith A Different Perspective CIC