You don’t understand the depths of my emotion, When you push me into doing things I feel uncomfortable with. You don’t truly understand the intensity of the anxiety I experience, So, don’t say that I don’t meet you halfway. To walk down the street with bustling crowds and flashing lights, To sit in a class full of commotion and chaos, To sit in the canteen, desperate for friendship, a sense of belonging, Causes me immense anxiety and makes me urge to escape. At college, I have to mask my personality, Battle my constant fears, And try to act up to any expectations you set, And you have the audacity to say I don’t meet you halfway. I might be lucky – I have all that I need. But when my anxiety and negative self-talk overflows, I crumble. Obviously, I’m lucky – autism is a gift, a treasure, something to be proud of, But I struggle immensely with almost everything you take for granted. Look at how far I’ve come, I’ve survived the shudders of secondary school, got through prom, And started college all on my own. Would you rather me make continual but gradual progress, or do you want me to fail and break down under pressure? There’s all or nothing in my world – it’s called black and white thinking – struggling to read between the lines, I either do something I feel happy and content with or I do absolutely nothing at all. So, when you push me into doing something: role plays, presentations, a work placement… I refuse and break down, simply because it’s overwhelming; how do you expect me to cope? I know you think you know how to help me; you work in the field of inclusive practise, But actually, you don’t know me – I am an individual with autism. I am the only one who knows what’s best, You don’t know me – but I do! Don’t try and put words into my mouth – trust me – it doesn’t work! My knowledge probably comes across as intimidating, I’ve researched the condition endlessly. I’ve devised a set of my own coping mechanisms, What works for one child with autism, probably won’t work for me – recognising individuality is the key! Socialising is draining – exhausting and overwhelming, To say hello to a friend is just as hard for me as starting a job is for you – daunting and frightening, I have less social energy than you to start with, So, imagine, how tired I feel by the end of every day – any additional stress and anxiety causes a shutdown – this causes an inability to function or communicate at all. I may be socially inept, considered as unsociable, But, sometimes your social skills can be just as poor, I don’t think you realise how excruciatingly difficult it is for me to make friends at the best of times, It becomes near impossible to develop a friendship with added pressure. The frustrations I experience continually, on a day to day basis, may seem unimportant to you – ridiculous maybe, You can block out the world whenever you want – I can’t, I am constantly trapped in a world which seems isolating, confusing and demoralising – I feel deflated. Yet you feel you can make comments, like ‘you’re not meeting me halfway.’ Some may say I’ve been sheltered, protected from the world, I’ve felt secure for too long, Well, I’m now in the outer world – being thrown into the deep end, And I’ve instantly realised one of the most important things. I’ve said it before and will continue to say it until the message is clear, Autism is a spectrum condition, but not every person on the spectrum is the same! The fact is often missed as people with autism share certain traits, Honestly, we all have different needs and one box doesn’t help us at all – we don’t want to be categorised into what you see as the ‘norm’ or ‘correct way of society.’ I am a person with autism – I am human and I have feelings, I have a voice and a right to express my own valued opinions, So, next time you imply you want me to meet you halfway, Question your knowledge beforehand and consider how making unfair, judgemental, detrimental comments will help me cope. I will continue to fight for my rights – I’ve fought from the second I was born, I believe, I should be respected and my differences embraced, My needs challenged but at my own pace, My positive contributions and achievements should be acknowledged for one and celebrated for another. I think you should start listening to my voice, quiet but fierce, And meet me halfway! Don’t discriminate or stereotype – just accept and support me, in the suggested ways! Autism awareness is a highlight for me, No matter how many books you’ve read, videos you’ve watched or people you’ve spoken to about the subject, If you haven’t walked my long trudge of a path, You don’t have the true understanding of the disability. That’s right – I have a disability, A hidden disability, where guilt, shame, upset, anger and anxiety threaten to trickle through, when I’m overwhelmed, My life is a battle – a rollercoaster – a challenge, So, maybe you should, for once, meet me halfway! Written by Lauren Smith A Different Perspective CIC

Academic Studies: As A Levels are advanced studies, the content of work can be difficult to grasp. Sometimes, the concepts can be very confusing, meaning that it takes me longer to get to grips with it. There are numerous key terms to be learnt. Also, the workload is fairly heavy, with many essays to be written. It can be very demanding and is definitely a big step up from GCSE’s. One of the main difficulties I’ve had with A Levels is motivation – do I want to put the effort into the work? Motivation can be a struggle for some people on the autism spectrum. It’s important that teachers work with the individual to understand what they want to gain out of the course and learn what is best going to help them to achieve their goal. Exams: Exams are an important part of the majority of college courses, particularly A Levels. It is common for people to experience anxiety surrounding exams, as it is thought that the grades awarded can determine the future. However, it is important to understand that there are other options if grades are not as hoped. With flexibility in mind, it can be easier to relax and focus on the revision, rather than stressing about the ‘what-if’ scenarios that are probably unlikely! On a personal note, I absolutely dread exams, particularly because of the time pressures and being unable to process the information and write the answer in a way that can be understood. It takes me longer to think about the answer and how to structure it. With mocks fast approaching, I am aware that solid revision and determination is the key to success! However, I do struggle with memorising information, especially when I haven’t fully understood the concepts taught in class. Communication: The majority of people on the autism spectrum have difficulties with social communication, social interaction and social imagination. These difficulties, otherwise known as the ‘triad of impairments’ can make social situations seem daunting and overwhelming and means that developing and maintaining friendships can be a challenge. From personal experience, my severe anxiety has caused me to feel shy around my peers. It is difficult being put into a group full of already established friendships, because it feels as though I’m an outsider. I’ve always been an observer, rather than a participant, however sometimes I would like to join in and contribute. Whenever there are group tasks assigned, fairly often in A Levels, I do struggle to get my voice heard due to my fear of getting the answer ‘wrong.’ Everyone else appears so confident and able to express their opinions, whereas I sit silently, thinking up good ideas that are unable to be shared. As I am extremely shy, I can be perceived as rude. The fact that my peers think I don’t want to be involved, represents a miscommunication, meaning that the others naturally overtake the group activities. I have especially high anxiety with regards to one-to-one conversations, mainly as I fear getting rejected. My previous friendships haven’t always been as easy to maintain as I’d hoped, leading me to latch onto negative experiences and feelings surrounding friendship. I find it particularly hard to initiate conversation; most of the time, I’m unsure of what to say, but if I do know what to say, my anxiety often prevents me from saying it anyway! It takes an awful lot of courage and confidence to say hello to someone in my class, which means that I often sit in silence, giving the impression that I don’t want friends (which is the total opposite of the truth!). I suppose at the beginning of A Levels, I was preoccupied by adjusting to the new environment, new teachers and workload and wasn’t really concerned about the social aspects of college life. Now, however, I have realised I would like to talk to people and build friendships, but I know what strain this puts me under. It often consumes most of my social energy, meaning that I cannot fully concentrate on my academic studies (it can be difficult to get a balance of socialising and college studies!) Support Strategies: Colour code/highlight key points of revision. Create coloured revision flashcards/mind maps with simplified information. Create a strategy of communication between you and your tutor e.g. written notes, a symbol or a multicoloured pencil case could be used to express that support is required. Create a clear career plan for the future, identify goals that you would like to achieve and look at manageable ways that this can be achieved. Make a revision timetable and ensure that any relaxation time is added. Give yourself downtime. Create a motivation board with your ultimate goal at the end of the journey and include all of the steps that are needed to help you achieve what you want. Use your special interests to help with motivation. Ensure that you can access essential exam information well in advance – what exam, where it will be, what time, how long for, what you will need to bring, any exam access arrangements. Practise past exam papers to help with structuring answers. Get familiar with the mark scheme. Gain feedback from teachers so an awareness is given of how to improve. Ask for more individual work as opposed to group work, as a reasonable adjustment. If group work is necessary, teachers could allocate the groups so that nobody gets left out and assign roles so that everyone can contribute. Use a communication toolbox/book/flashcards with tips and ideas for different social situations and to help have conversations and make friends. Practise basic skills in as many social situations as possible. Written by Lauren Smith A Different Perspective CIC